Just testing this out to see if it still works. Reading through my previous posts, I sound like an emotional child stomping about and crying for attention. Which, sadly, is spot on. I had a realization today that given the chance to be a kid again, I would decline. But also given the chance to move forward, I would decline as well. I'm not sure what that means for me, especially since I don't want to be where I am today either. If I thought for a second that my daughter wouldn't be irrevocably fucked up for the rest of her life, I'd likely get mine over with already. I've become a sad, pathetic version of myself that is spiraling down again, and soon my emotions will just sever from the rest of my thoughts, leaving me as a shell. I wish I could float through life with confidence and self-respect, but I never will. I'm just going to self-destruct as I always do and disappear before everything burns.
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