Emotionally Numb

I can't seem to get a control over my emotions. I just wish I was stable enough mentally to handle heartbreak, but I am not. I continue down this path of self destruction, the cycle never ends. I'm a failure at everything in my personal life, and I wish I would disappear because it hurts so much.

I shed tears for missed opportunities, for my own selfishness which breeds distrust among my own cells; if I can't stop being like this I'll be alone forever. But maybe forever won't last that long.

I can't rely on others to keep me upbeat, to keep me afloat in this sea of despair. I need to learn to swim, but I can't swim without assistance. The only problem that arises is that I bring everyone down with me.

I am not worthy of love from others. I deserve only the loneliness that accompanies bad decisions, the solitude that pairs itself with uncertainty.

I forgive no one, not even myself. I will continue this never-ending cycle of pain until I am numb. When that happens, nobody will notice when I am gone. Not even me.