Reflections From Within

I've been slowly making production notes to begin recording my next CD, and in this process I go through countless pages of notes, lyrics, unfinished songs, and sometimes completed songs. I particularly like to go through my older songs to get some insight into where I was and where I am now, kind of an emotional timeline. The best part of all of this is what I didn't write, or at least what I scribbled out. I look over completely finished songs that were recorded, but all through the pages of lyrics there are minor adjustments, changes to words, that change the mood of the song completely. It is this part of crafting a song I think I enjoy the most; the analytical aspect of having to look at yourself in an objective manner to grasp what you, as the writer, are trying to say. One can learn a lot about themselves using this exercise, and although I've never had any kind of journal, this collection of writings is just that.

The perspective I have from my vantage point so many years in the future is astounding. It turns out I am the same exact person that I was then; only now I have a more efficient way of telling the story, as if I have already explained it to myself so many times that I'm tired of telling it. The experiences I've drawn upon are the same as those that I've always looked to for inspiration, just involving different people. It's quite appealing and disturbing that I know exactly what's going to happen for the rest of my life, yet I never try to alter my course to prevent the inevitable. I suppose that's as close to the definition of insanity as I'm likely to come, but it is noteworthy nonetheless. Either I'm insane, stubborn, or just unbeleivably dumb. Or all three.